This is my letter to the Wellington Young Feminists’ Collective, who do great work and post some really informative stuff. It has become a letter to the reader.

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Hi there WTGYF :)

My name is Dean, I’ve followed your blog for a while. I am your stereotypical quarter-centurian, lower-middle class white male. My mother raised me more or less by herself, and has been both a feminist leader and a masculinist supporter in her time. My father was a chauvanist and sometimes abusive, although he is a good man, one of the men I admire the most. Conditioning can be tricky sometimes…. his dad used to strap his kids 4 just for good measure, so I consider myself fortunate to have been born two generations down instead of directly in the fire. Watching my father move past and through that conditioning has only affirmed the respect I have for our “other half” :)

I wanted just to highlight this quickly, but thought I might give you my background first of all. Male expressions of understanding about “feminism” are sometimes difficult to receive, and many people on both sides look at one persons’ “view” as superior to another.

Having done that, I’d like to offer (and you can receive or not, as hopefully you feel comfortable doing :)  ) that both people can hold their own unique aspects of masculine and feminine, whether they are male or female. AND that both of these aspects of understanding are of value. Noone has taught me more about my masculine than my closest sisters, so I hope that I could offer similar insight for you about my individual perception of the feminine, experienced in my own male form.

I saw this on the blog today, and to be honest, the quote does generate some discomfort :-P

 

I’ll only touch this briefly as I’ve already ranted for long enough, so maybe I can ask a question here - Whenever I read feminist or masculinist blogs, there is an almost constant trend towards divisive posting, in place of celebration of the positive. In our new day, with the receptive and creative wisdom we’re coming into, is it still appropriate to fingerpoint at the old stereotypes as a means of removing them? To me this seems like telling a person that “People’s coin tosses land tails side down” and then asking them to predict a coin-toss.

In other words, does it really serve only to focus the viewer’s attention on the lack of comfortability with non-male sexuality? It is a beautiful thing, and something that might not need to be implied or labelled as “uncomfortable”. In my own experience, my attention and focus has been one of, if not the most powerful informer of my reality. It can be an incredibly creative or destructive force.

On account of that, I offer this, as it is something I have been made to learn deeply, and something that I still very much have to learn. Who are you fighting, and who are you supporting? If you choose to partake in a conflict by giving it your time of day, then the conflict has a chance to take power over you - this is something I’ve learned as a boy again and again, when people have attempted to start fights with me, be they physical or verbal. Would your attention be better spent elsewhere, where you can creative a positive, unfearful perspective that people really enjoy holding to, that can transform them? To me this is a powerful paradigm, as it no longer serves me (talking about my own process here) to fixate on destroying what is wrong, when I can create something that is right instead :)

In fewer words, “you can’t fight division with divided minds”.

Peace, much love and very full respect for the work you all do! If you have taken the time to consider my view this far, you really have my respect. Thank you for listening to us :-) Your vision is contributing to the new paradigm, so thank you! I dearly hope this can be a paradigm of unity and abundance, now that the time for division is ending

Keep up the great work!

Dean